3 Hours of Stillness...

Travel back in time with me- to the 90's. I was in high school, and I would always stop at Dunkin' Donuts on my way to school and pick up my coffee.  That pattern continued through my college days. Not only would I pick up multiple cups of coffee on my way to class, I would grab another during lunch, and yet another on my way from class to work! I should have just had an IV drip of coffee going! I didn't know the meaning of the two words, "BE STILL."

And then I became a mom. Any mom knows that "stillness" and "motherhood" are oxymorons. So my fast-paced life continued. Even when I was sent for my first MRI two years ago, I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts and had a cup of coffee on my way! If you're smarter than I am, you have already figured out that having coffee before an MRI is a very bad idea. I was the radiologist technician's worst patient of the day, because I just couldn't lie still! 

I'll be honest- I'm not a big fan of stillness. If there were a stillness facebook page, I would not "friend" it, nor would I "like" it. I prefer the crashing waves of the ocean to the peaceful, calm stillness of a lake.

But I also know that I have been called to "be still, and know that God is God." (Psalm 46:10) It is in the still moments of life that I can block out the noise and the busyness and spend quiet, intimate moments with Jesus. Oftentimes, I fail to see God in my everyday life, because I'm just too busy.  With my recent medical issues, I have had to slow down and be more intentional about rest.

My doctor was able to schedule the scans I need for this Thursday. I am so grateful to have these tests before I see the Neurologist at Johns Hopkins! As I was on the phone doing my "pre-registration," I was told that I would need to be completely still for the scans. My confident answer was, "I know. I've had them before. I know they have contrast dye, and I'm not allergic." I wanted to say, "bring it on," but I refrained.  The scheduler came back and said, "Do you realize this is a 3-hour long scan?" Hmmmm....lie still for 3 hours. I am thinking a trip to Dunkin' Donuts on my way to the hospital is probably not the best idea this time.  I'm so grateful when I learn a lesson- even if I learn it the hard way!!  For those of you who are medically knowledgeable, I am having a brain and cervical MRI (imagery), as well as an MRA (angiography) for the vertebral artery insufficiency. I can only laugh, knowing I will literally have to be "still" for 3 hours.  My husband is running his third Marine Corps Marathon next week, and I have always wondered, "what does one think about while running for 3-4 hours straight?" Well, based on that perspective, I am happy I'll be able to lie still for the same amount of time he will be running!!

Thanks for traveling on this journey of faith with me! 

Sixth "Scent"

This morning, I had the privilege of spending some extra time with Ansley before school. She woke up so sleepy, and just wanted to "be still" and lay in her bed. Those of you that know Ansley, know this is very rare! She usually jumps out of bed and is charged, fully ready to embrace the day. But today, we just sat still together- precious moments!!

We read from a small book my parents recently bought for our family. The question of the day read, "If you had to give up sight, hearing, the ability to speak, or the ability to walk, which would you choose?" WOW! Think about that question. I wrestled with it over and over again. Ansley simply stated, "I would give up my sight, because God gave me a sixth "scent" and I'm always aware of what's going on around me!" I love the words children use to convey their thoughts!! And in her mind, this was a simple question.

Hours later, I still don't know how to answer that question. We talked about it again at the dinner table. John had a very profound thought. He said he would give up speaking, because most of us speak too much anyway. He's so right!! Such wisdom from a teenager!

How could I give up my sight? I write this as I look out at the beautiful fall foliage- this wonderful Creation all around me. How could I give up seeing my children grow older and watching their everyday life play out before my eyes? Yet how could I give up my hearing? There is so much to hear all around me each day! I LOVE music- it fills my soul. I cannot imagine worship without the sound of sweet music to my ears. But what about the ability to speak? I'm full of too many words- that just wouldn't do. And last but not least, the ability to walk? I can only sit today and thank God for my legs, and the ability He has given to me to do all of these things. I cannot live in fear of losing any of these "scents," as Ansley called them. But rather, I am choosing to live with complete gratitude for all that God has given to me today:  my sight,  my hearing, my ability to speak- often, and my ability to walk.

I will be scheduling a brain MRI and a neck/cervical MRI when I receive the order from my ENT doctor. He has been wonderful, and agrees that it will be beneficial to have these tests run before I go for my appointment at Hopkins. I will let you know when I have these scheduled, but it looks like within a week or so, these scans will be out of the way! Thanks for your continued prayers for me.

Sharing my journey...

I am blessed every day. From the moment I wake up, to the moment my head slumps down to my pillow, I navigate my day failing to see all of the gifts and blessings that surround me every minute. I have tried to record some of these blessings in a journal...and it's so rewarding to look back and remember the gifts- big and small- that have been given to me each day.

Today I am grateful for doctors! If you know me and the season I am going through with medical professionals, you know this is a HUGE declaration! I have spent more hours in doctor's offices this year than I care to remember or recount. Yet throughout the world, there are thousands of people dying every day because they don't have medical treatment---at all. Simple antibiotics that we take for granted in this country could literally save the lives of thousands of others all over the world. Yet I have complained about these doctors and these medications for most of this past year.  My own comfort and frustrations have gotten in the way of my gratitude for the plethora of doctors available to me.

Today, I was accepted as a patient at John's Hopkins University in their Neurology Department.  To say I am thankful is an understatement!  While I anxiously await my appointment on November 18th, I hope to continue sharing the blessings and gifts of this journey.  I say it is a journey to Ninevah, and I hope along the way, you will see why.  I am walking in daily obedience to what God has set before me (only after taking a trip and running the other way to "Tarshish"...which, by the way...is located in modern day SPAIN!)


I hope you will enjoy this adventure, and will be able to see some of your own gifts and blessings as you read about mine! Of course, I will continue to post any medical updates here to keep you informed. Thanks for your prayers and continued phone calls and e-mails. I have the best family, the best friends, and I am honored that God has chosen to bless me with an abundance of love!